lulucakes on the run

Justification, did I have to justify myself?

Today I found myself justifying growing out my gray hair to a lady that smokes 3 packs of cigarettes a day.  She walked passed my desk, must have taken about 2 steps too many and backed up wobbly grabbing my desk along the way, creating wind so I had to smell the last cigarette she inhaled that was seeping out of every pour because her poor lungs are probably so dirty they can’t handle anymore nicotine!  She said, “Are you growing out your gray hair?” but not with that inquisitive, I’m just asking, look on her face, more of someone in disgust with squinted eyes and nose raised accompanied by a firm shake of the head…as if an inner NO wanted to come screaming out loud.

I don’t want gray hair, really I don’t.  If I had it my way I would have this delicious dark chocolate color with slight golden highlights but, for some reason God gave me this silvery/white somewhat beautiful gray hair and He gave it in abundance!

Before being pregnant I was embarrassed and hid it under the strongest of dye formulas man could make but now, it’s different and so am I.  I want to do good for my baby.  I don’t want to overload my system with harsh chemicals just to please someone that thinks my gray hair is gross.  I’ve asked my sisters to help me decide what to do with it because they know I’m not happy I have gray hair but never have they looked disgusted with me because of it and my husband is fine with me growing it out, he loves me with white, brown or half white and half brown hair.  How do some people feel so entitled to give such a harsh opinion?  People that don’t even know you?  I can only hope that I’ve never done anything like that to someone.  Does this lady not think I’ve considered all my options?  I’ve looked on the computer for endless hours wondering…do I cut it all off (which I like but I’m a bit scared to be so huge and have short hair – will my head look small with my big body), dye it with non-toxic stuff, or just dye it with the same ol’ stuff and not believe that that junky stuff will do anything to the baby?  I really don’t know.  I don’t know what I want?  I’ve never had long hair and am pretty excited by the length (thank you prenatal vitamins).  My dad raised me and he didn’t know how to handle a girl with long hair, it was tangled all the time!  So, my aunt cut it when I was 8, that was the last time my hair laid on my back.  I’ve never had the patience to let it grow since.  Now, it’s super long and nearly in the middle of my back.  Along with being pregnant and enjoying all these little steps of pregnancy I am also feeling an excitement with my long hair.  It’s new!  At night it gets wrapped around my neck and nearly chokes the life out of me and when I sit on the sofa it is trapped behind my back so when I try to move my head and not my body my head is tugged with displeasure.

What my venting comes down to is…gray hair is a lot nicer and prettier than a chain smoker’s stench and opinion!